Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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