It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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