dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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