i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
