Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
