I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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