The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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