If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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