____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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