my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
