i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
