so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
babies were throwing up all over the place
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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