I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
