My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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