Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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