brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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