I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
