But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
