thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
