My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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