Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
cat food counts as protein by the way
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
