If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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