I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
