fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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