you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
