The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
