you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
