So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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