Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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