remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
