I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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