**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
