So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Randomize
