I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I love you.
Bad choice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
