and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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