like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
