You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
