I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You are a genius and a whore.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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