before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
