Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
