So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
