you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
