THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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