no, he came in my armpit
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
