There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
