If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
