i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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