good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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