I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
