you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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