What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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