there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
