i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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