now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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